Posts Tagged ‘Sexual Abuse Survivors’

  ”  Hope is a thing with Feathers”  

                                                       emily dickenson



I didn’t know what to title this post, it could have been the  , ”  The  Road to Wellville” ( silly)  or…. The Happiness Project ( some thing else) ,  but

The Happiness  Road/ Happiness is the Road   seemed to be  good  middle ground.

” Happiness” is not a  destination nor is ” Wellness” ( ?) some ending

recovery  point,  as if  both were  grand prizes  to be offered

after a long time of working on your stuff and in the mean time, the job is to

suffer along the way of healing.

It is true ( for me)  that healing requires  a  breaking of sorts.

Yes.  There has been anguish along the way.

 and  still   Happiness and Joy are found and experienced  on that  same path.

Joy and Happiness  and Peace   are a   Birthright.

Get on the Happiness Road and claim  your share of the Pie.

















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I  have decided to walk  in the  Slut Walk Nashville after some deliberation  and after it changed its name to:  Survivors of Sexual assault are not to Blame. At first  I wasn’t keen simply because of the  name of the event  and my personal historic connotations that it that it had for me .

I did do some research found that it was a nation wide event .  Support of the event seems to have gone viral and walkers include a large and  diverse crowd.  So in the spirit of what the event is doing,  I decided to attend.

My Hope is that it is rowdy.  I want to be rowdy .  I do not want to walk quietly and  Tame.

I have often wondered if  the public likes/ needs to see  survivors of  sexual  assault to act in a certain  way.   Does the public need see  the ” victim”  so that they can feel separate from and safe.  Safe from the reality that it can impact their lives at any moment.  But,  it is something more too, more important,  that I can’t quite seem to put a finger on.  Hopefully,  I’ll be able to address this after I have experienced the walk next weekend.

The Personal is Political.

over and out,




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This is not easy listening .  It is  a Truth Telling project about the  experiences of  severe systematic abuse , including brainwashing of Native American children and  teens  as they were placed into Boarding Schools and Reform Schools as late as the 1970’s.   I did watch the  movie ” Older than America ”  last weekend ( available from the Nashville Public Library)  which is a fictionalized movie about the above topic.

Ritual Abuse,  severe systematic abuse,  brainwashing  is done to strip a child of their identity and self-will.  With it , systematically abused children becomes more malleable for the what the  perpetrator/perpetrators  ultimately want .

My Father was a  British Word War 2 Veteran.  I lived in a Home where World War 2 and specifically the Holocaust breathed  amongst us .  In the 1960’s  the Holocaust/ World War 2  was still just only 20 years past and for most was still a recent memory.   My father  had a book of Concentration Camp photos. These were the ones of the mass graves and Camps  amid other photo’s .  My father would sit down next to  me and  slowly show me these photographs while  talking .  It felt like  that he had put me in the pit with them.

I believe that my brother had also been  exposed to  the photos as one time when he was chasing me around the house he had caught up with me and told me he was going to put me in the oven, like the  Jews,  and let me burn.  He picked me up , opened  the oven door and tried to put me in into it.

Buddhist  Healing Prayer

Just as the soft rains fill the streams,pour into the rivers, and join together in the oceans, so may the power of every moment of your goodness

flow forth to awaken and heal all beings–those here now, those gone before, those yet to come. By the power of every moment of your goodness,

may your heart’s wishes be soon fulfilled

as completely shining as the bright full moon,as magically as by a wish-fulfilling gem. By the power of every moment of your goodness,

may all dangers be averted and all disease be gone.

May no obstacle come across your way. May you enjoy fulfillment and long life. For all in whose heart dwells respect, who follow the wisdom and compassion, of the Way,

may your life prosper in the four blessings

of old age, beauty, happiness and strength.

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Determination/ Hope/ Despair ?   What is it that exists in  the mind of a sexually trafficked child that clings to the  light instead being swallowed into the  darkness of organized child prostitution.

My mother once made me read , ” The Dairy of Anne Frank“,  whose words of hope in humankind while living hidden during the Nazi invasion of Holland was profound.  Perhaps Anne Frank’s Ghost held my hand as I walked the streets of late 1960’s New York City.

I remember a moment of decision. A decision to stay Alive.  I had to wear  purple hot pants and a blonde wig. One night it was cold and raining and I felt so full of despair & made a decision.   My decision  was to simply to  Grow up and get big and tall.

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The Road Not Taken

My Healing Journey began in earnest in the 1990’s . In the early 1990’s a number of off shoot 12-step support groups modeled on  Ala-non came into existence.  In the Nashville area these were , Co-dependency Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics ( ACOA) , Sexual Abuse Survivors Anonymous ( SASA) and Incest Survivors Anonymous ( ISA)  and  Ritual Abuse Survivors Anonymous ( RASA) and  in addition to these groups,  SNAP Nashville  (Survivors Sexually Abused by Priests)  and a short-lived non-profit for Ritual Abuse Survivors , ”  Hope House'”.  I also attended a faciltated  therapy group for female survivors of Ritual Abuse  here in Nashville.   These groups did not arrive on the scene all at the same time.  RASA and Hope House  were  the last ones to appear in the late 1990’s.  All of these groups were helpful and informative and very  supportive.  To my knowledge SNAP Nashville is still meeting in Nashville,  RASA is not and  I am not sure about ACOA, SASA or ISA.

As a result of an in-patient hospitalization I began working on my Sexual Abuse Issues and was linked  up with a Therapist who specialized in Sexual Abuse and to my good fortune also with Ritual Abuse.  I was now on the road to recovery.

Matsuo Basho writes,

I am awe-struck

to hear a cricket singing

underneath the dark cavity

of an old Helmet.

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